I have a few not-so-totally-happy memories of church camp. I remember being horribly homesick and hot! Even at youth camp, when I was 14, I recall missing my mom and dad like crazy. This seems somewhat comical given that just a few short years later, the time period I like to refer to as the rebel-without-a-cause-years began, and home was the last place I wanted to be. Nonetheless, at 14 I didn't like camp all that much.
Today, with my memories tucked away, I sent Hannah to church camp for the first time. And I find myself flooded with emotion. I am excited and a little scared for her. Last night while we were packing she admitted she was feeling a bit nervous about the whole camp thing. Before I go on too much more, I should probably explain that this camp is for one weekend only. She will be back on Sunday afternoon. Next year she will be able to attend youth camp, so the weekend kid's camp is a good way for her to dip her toe into the sleep-away camp experience.
Last night, Hannah diligently packed her suitcase, making sure she had everything she would need. With the "things to bring to camp" list in one hand, she checked off the items already packed. Bible. Check. Writing pen. Check. Swimsuit. Check. Shorts. Check. Toothpaste. Check. She checked away until every last item was packed, which ended up requiring a bigger suitcase. I smiled as I watched her. It may be just a weekend away, but this camp thing is a big deal!
As we pulled into the church parking lot today, she again told me she was scared. What if there is a spider in my bed or a snake in the pond while we are swimming? What if I have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night? I think I eased these fears at least a little. I told her I am fairly certain there won't be spiders in the beds and that she won't be swimming in a pond, but rather a typical swimming pool. I explained that the cabins all had restrooms and she would know where to go if her bladder came a calling in the middle of the night. Even still, I could sense her apprehension as we placed her suitcase, sleeping bag and pillow on the church bus. I said goodbye and told her I hoped she has a good time. She said, "me too mom," and then gave me a look of horror as I tried to kiss her on the cheek in front of the other kids! Have mercy, she is a pre-teen!
I know she will have a blast. I pray that God will use this experience to draw her closer to Him and that she will bond with the other girls at camp. Oh how I hope she comes back with a thirst for God and a suitcase filled with irreplaceable memories of her first trip to church camp.
Friday, July 17, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
Belonging
Most of you know my story. It's a story of how infertility led to the miracle of adoption. Our daughter could be no more ours had we actually conceived and birthed her. She is one of us. She is our child. Plain and simple.
And for the most part she loves the fact that she is adopted. She knows it is just another way God creates families. She knows that her birth mother hand-picked us to be her parents. She knows God has a special plan for her life. In our prayers each night she hears me thank God for bringing her into my life and making me her mom.
But adoption does come with some challenges. This past school year she had a project that required her to research her family heritage. The kids at school were sharing all about the interesting places their ancestors had come from, and although Hannah used our lineage--which by the way isn't' all that interesting, she knew that her true genetic heritage was a mystery. Is she Russian? Is there some German inside her blood? Maybe she has relatives living in a small tribe in Ethiopia. Could she be related to royalty? She will probably never know. She has decided that she is in fact Irish. I suppose it is possible she is a bit Irish, but highly unlikely! I don't think I'll start calling her O'Hannah any time soon!
These moments, when adoption is accentuated, break my heart a little. She is MY daughter. But these moments remind me that we have a natural desire to belong. We need to fit somewhere. A few weeks ago Hannah and I went to a local amusement park with my brother and his family. As I was downloading the pictures from that day, there was one of all of us. Hannah took one look at the picture and said she didn't look like she belonged to this family. My heart ached. She said she looked like some random friend we brought with us to the park. Didn't belong? Just some random friend? She is MY daughter. Hannah is bi-racial and compared to the rest of us in the picture she does look different. She has darker skin and darker hair. The rest of us are fair and somewhat freckled.
She may not have my nose or my skin color, or thank God my horrible eye sight, but she does have my heart. She has my love for laughter, the same over-the-top desire to perform for anyone who will watch, my lack of math skills and a little bit of my sloppiness. Yep, she is MY daughter and she does belong!
Father in Heaven,
I pray for this precious child. I pray that she will know how much she is loved and that she does belong. I pray that she will see the beauty in adoption and that she will know Your hand has held her from the moment she was conceived. And that although you knit her together in another womb, You were the one that hand-picked us to be her parents. I thank you for hearing my prayers and for making me not just someone's mother, but Hannah's mother.
Amen
And for the most part she loves the fact that she is adopted. She knows it is just another way God creates families. She knows that her birth mother hand-picked us to be her parents. She knows God has a special plan for her life. In our prayers each night she hears me thank God for bringing her into my life and making me her mom.
But adoption does come with some challenges. This past school year she had a project that required her to research her family heritage. The kids at school were sharing all about the interesting places their ancestors had come from, and although Hannah used our lineage--which by the way isn't' all that interesting, she knew that her true genetic heritage was a mystery. Is she Russian? Is there some German inside her blood? Maybe she has relatives living in a small tribe in Ethiopia. Could she be related to royalty? She will probably never know. She has decided that she is in fact Irish. I suppose it is possible she is a bit Irish, but highly unlikely! I don't think I'll start calling her O'Hannah any time soon!
These moments, when adoption is accentuated, break my heart a little. She is MY daughter. But these moments remind me that we have a natural desire to belong. We need to fit somewhere. A few weeks ago Hannah and I went to a local amusement park with my brother and his family. As I was downloading the pictures from that day, there was one of all of us. Hannah took one look at the picture and said she didn't look like she belonged to this family. My heart ached. She said she looked like some random friend we brought with us to the park. Didn't belong? Just some random friend? She is MY daughter. Hannah is bi-racial and compared to the rest of us in the picture she does look different. She has darker skin and darker hair. The rest of us are fair and somewhat freckled.
She may not have my nose or my skin color, or thank God my horrible eye sight, but she does have my heart. She has my love for laughter, the same over-the-top desire to perform for anyone who will watch, my lack of math skills and a little bit of my sloppiness. Yep, she is MY daughter and she does belong!
Father in Heaven,
I pray for this precious child. I pray that she will know how much she is loved and that she does belong. I pray that she will see the beauty in adoption and that she will know Your hand has held her from the moment she was conceived. And that although you knit her together in another womb, You were the one that hand-picked us to be her parents. I thank you for hearing my prayers and for making me not just someone's mother, but Hannah's mother.
Amen
Sunday, July 5, 2009
But Nothing
Have you wondered why I haven't posted anything lately? Did you wonder if maybe I'd been sick, out of town, too busy at work or maybe that the bloggy monsters had kidnapped me? Well I have been out of town a time or two and work is certianly busy, but neither of these are the reasons for the lack of published ponderings.
I have wanted to write in my blog. I have yearned to add words to this lonely piece of cyberspace. But to no avail. I've racked my brain trying to come up with an idea to write about. But nothing. Oh, occasionally an idea would come and I would sit down at the computer to write and I would just sit there. But nothing. About two weeks after my last post it became clear I had a strange condition affecting my brain known as writer's block! But nothing.
According to dictionary.com, writer's block is defined as "a usually temporary condition in which a writer finds it impossible to proceed with the writing of a novel, play, or other work." Yes, sirree, I've had myself a big ol' case of writer's block! But the good news, according to dictionary.com is that it is temporary!
So to cure my case of the "but nothings" I have decided to write about the nothingness quandary. This feels a little like a Seinfeld episode...a blog post about....well, nothing!
I have wanted to write in my blog. I have yearned to add words to this lonely piece of cyberspace. But to no avail. I've racked my brain trying to come up with an idea to write about. But nothing. Oh, occasionally an idea would come and I would sit down at the computer to write and I would just sit there. But nothing. About two weeks after my last post it became clear I had a strange condition affecting my brain known as writer's block! But nothing.
According to dictionary.com, writer's block is defined as "a usually temporary condition in which a writer finds it impossible to proceed with the writing of a novel, play, or other work." Yes, sirree, I've had myself a big ol' case of writer's block! But the good news, according to dictionary.com is that it is temporary!
So to cure my case of the "but nothings" I have decided to write about the nothingness quandary. This feels a little like a Seinfeld episode...a blog post about....well, nothing!
Friday, June 5, 2009
The No "P" Diet
Today I am wearing a skirt. Several people have asked if I have a client meeting today. Nope. No client meeting today. I am wearing a skirt, because I couldn't find any clean pants that fit! Good grief! I was standing in my closet looking around at all the choices and realized I really only have a few pairs of pants that fit. Over the last several years a few pounds have somehow crept their way onto my body. I'm still not totally convinced some closet gremlins didn't alter my pants! But whatever the reason, unlike Cinderella, they just don't FIT!
During my drive into work I was thinking about the extra pounds and the ill-fitted pants as well as lying by the pool this summer. As I took a drink of my pop, a funny thought entered my head. There were a lot of "P's" in that thought. Maybe I should start the no "P" diet. I would just eliminate any food and drink that could be classified to start with the letter "P". That would include pop, pizza, pasta, pretzels, pastries, pistachios, popsicles and much more. Yes, there are some good foods that start with the letter "P" such as pineapple, pears, plums and peaches. But in the name of a fun diet idea, I could get my fruit from other letters of the alphabet such as a-pples, g-rapes, r-aspberries, and b-ananas.
I have a trip to Las Vegas coming up at the beginning of August...plenty of time to lose a little weight and get in better shape. Last year on this annual business trip I vowed to myself that next year I wouldn't be as self-conscious by the pool side. Nothing like being by the pool with a bunch of co-workers! I have tried and failed at just plain old dieting. I get bored and I feel deprived. So, maybe putting a little pizazz into my diet will do the trick. I'm going to try it for a few weeks and see what happens.
Please don't misunderstand. There is no scientific data that shows any significance to eating or eliminating foods that begin with the letter "P". I am a firm believer in a balanced healthy diet combined with exercise and I usually dismiss all the fad diets. But adding a little harmless fun might be helpful. I'll let you know how it goes. I plan to start tomorrow...dinner tonight is pork chops and potatoes!
During my drive into work I was thinking about the extra pounds and the ill-fitted pants as well as lying by the pool this summer. As I took a drink of my pop, a funny thought entered my head. There were a lot of "P's" in that thought. Maybe I should start the no "P" diet. I would just eliminate any food and drink that could be classified to start with the letter "P". That would include pop, pizza, pasta, pretzels, pastries, pistachios, popsicles and much more. Yes, there are some good foods that start with the letter "P" such as pineapple, pears, plums and peaches. But in the name of a fun diet idea, I could get my fruit from other letters of the alphabet such as a-pples, g-rapes, r-aspberries, and b-ananas.
I have a trip to Las Vegas coming up at the beginning of August...plenty of time to lose a little weight and get in better shape. Last year on this annual business trip I vowed to myself that next year I wouldn't be as self-conscious by the pool side. Nothing like being by the pool with a bunch of co-workers! I have tried and failed at just plain old dieting. I get bored and I feel deprived. So, maybe putting a little pizazz into my diet will do the trick. I'm going to try it for a few weeks and see what happens.
Please don't misunderstand. There is no scientific data that shows any significance to eating or eliminating foods that begin with the letter "P". I am a firm believer in a balanced healthy diet combined with exercise and I usually dismiss all the fad diets. But adding a little harmless fun might be helpful. I'll let you know how it goes. I plan to start tomorrow...dinner tonight is pork chops and potatoes!
Monday, May 25, 2009
Growing Up
All the days and nights spent praying and crying out to God for a baby seem so far away, nothing more than a faint memory. But this past Friday at the 5th grade awards ceremony, all those feelings came flooding back. How has the time gone by so quickly? As I watched Hannah receive her awards, her life flashed before my eyes. In an instant I was whisked back to the phone call saying we had been chosen by a birth mother. I saw in my mind's eye that very special fax that came through a few weeks later saying "it's a girl." I remember every detail about the long drive to the hospital and I could actually feel her birth mother place her in my arms. I remember her tiny toes. She was so small, so beautiful and the most perfect baby I had ever seen. Years had been spent wondering if I would ever be someone's mother. And finally God answered yes.
That precious child, God's answer to my prayers, looked so grown up, ready to take on not just middle school, but possibly the world. I am so proud of her and so humbled that God chose me to be her mom.
That precious child, God's answer to my prayers, looked so grown up, ready to take on not just middle school, but possibly the world. I am so proud of her and so humbled that God chose me to be her mom.
Congratulations Hannah, I am so proud of you!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The Hat Lady
Oh if I only had time to give my all, what a job I would do! I find that I am juggling so many different hats, I'm not sure which one I am wearing!
The NUTRITIONIST hat:
If I had time, I would be the best nutritionist! I would create meals that were healthy, tasty and even fun! I would have a house stocked with the perfect amount of each food group, for well balance diets. If only I had the time. A couple of weeks ago Hannah had a full day of dance competition. We were up at 5:00 am and she was dressed, and ready to go for her first dance at 7:30. We grabbed a bag of donuts to eat on the way. She packed some snacks for the day and of course, the convention center had a concession-stand stocked with a gaggle of goodies. By late afternoon we were finished and headed back home. I swung through McDonald's since we hadn't really had much of a chance to eat anything substantial. Hannah was still full of energy and said she wasn't hungry. She did however, ask if she could have a chocolate shake. When we got home it dawned on me that so far for the day, which was close to being over, Hannah's diet had included several chocolate donuts, a box of Dots candy, a Sprite and a chocolate shake. Not a fruit, vegetable or ounce of protein anywhere! Have mercy!
The FINANCIAL MANAGER hat:
With the current economy I have tried to tighten the belt so to speak. I have created extensive spreadsheets to track every penny earned and spent as well as all debt owed. Bottom line, like most households, I need to try to decrease spending and increase income! Oh how my head is filled with ways to create an additional stream of income, that good ole' entrepreneurial spirit is fighting to come out. But my head is also filled with a lot of other things and that spirit gets quickly squashed. If I had the time, I would have a vending machine route, an eBay store, a few items for sale on Craig's list along with my full time job, and I would clip so many coupons that the grocery store would owe me money!
The SPIRITUAL LEADER hat:
My most important job as Hannah's mom is to teach her about Jesus. I wish I could write about all the wonderful and creative ways I accomplish this job. I wish I could brag about our daily devotions and how I incorporate activities to bring God's Word to life. But I can't. It isn't for a lack of trying! For awhile we were reading one Proverb each morning before Hannah left for school. We read the verse and I would provide a little mom commentary. We prayed and then she left for the day. This was great until that first day we were running late and it fell to the way side. Recently I started reading the New Testament to Hannah each evening before bed. We took one verse (Matthew 5:16) to memorize and my hope is to add another verse monthly. I have printed out our memorization verse and posted it all over the house. And then we had a late night and didn't have our nightly reading. I haven't given up on this one yet, but I need to get back in the habit of reading each night. Recently we purchased a book from our church bookstore - "A Case For Faith for Kids" by Lee Strobel. I hope to start reading this book together as well as finishing the book of Matthew. If only I had the time....oh the things we could do!
I also have the full time job hat, the kid-friendly taxi driver hat, the house cleaner hat...enough hats to fill a closet! Sometimes all these hats give me a headache! And for that I put on my nurse hat...take two aspirin and call it a night!
The NUTRITIONIST hat:
If I had time, I would be the best nutritionist! I would create meals that were healthy, tasty and even fun! I would have a house stocked with the perfect amount of each food group, for well balance diets. If only I had the time. A couple of weeks ago Hannah had a full day of dance competition. We were up at 5:00 am and she was dressed, and ready to go for her first dance at 7:30. We grabbed a bag of donuts to eat on the way. She packed some snacks for the day and of course, the convention center had a concession-stand stocked with a gaggle of goodies. By late afternoon we were finished and headed back home. I swung through McDonald's since we hadn't really had much of a chance to eat anything substantial. Hannah was still full of energy and said she wasn't hungry. She did however, ask if she could have a chocolate shake. When we got home it dawned on me that so far for the day, which was close to being over, Hannah's diet had included several chocolate donuts, a box of Dots candy, a Sprite and a chocolate shake. Not a fruit, vegetable or ounce of protein anywhere! Have mercy!
The FINANCIAL MANAGER hat:
With the current economy I have tried to tighten the belt so to speak. I have created extensive spreadsheets to track every penny earned and spent as well as all debt owed. Bottom line, like most households, I need to try to decrease spending and increase income! Oh how my head is filled with ways to create an additional stream of income, that good ole' entrepreneurial spirit is fighting to come out. But my head is also filled with a lot of other things and that spirit gets quickly squashed. If I had the time, I would have a vending machine route, an eBay store, a few items for sale on Craig's list along with my full time job, and I would clip so many coupons that the grocery store would owe me money!
The SPIRITUAL LEADER hat:
My most important job as Hannah's mom is to teach her about Jesus. I wish I could write about all the wonderful and creative ways I accomplish this job. I wish I could brag about our daily devotions and how I incorporate activities to bring God's Word to life. But I can't. It isn't for a lack of trying! For awhile we were reading one Proverb each morning before Hannah left for school. We read the verse and I would provide a little mom commentary. We prayed and then she left for the day. This was great until that first day we were running late and it fell to the way side. Recently I started reading the New Testament to Hannah each evening before bed. We took one verse (Matthew 5:16) to memorize and my hope is to add another verse monthly. I have printed out our memorization verse and posted it all over the house. And then we had a late night and didn't have our nightly reading. I haven't given up on this one yet, but I need to get back in the habit of reading each night. Recently we purchased a book from our church bookstore - "A Case For Faith for Kids" by Lee Strobel. I hope to start reading this book together as well as finishing the book of Matthew. If only I had the time....oh the things we could do!
I also have the full time job hat, the kid-friendly taxi driver hat, the house cleaner hat...enough hats to fill a closet! Sometimes all these hats give me a headache! And for that I put on my nurse hat...take two aspirin and call it a night!
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Celebrating Mom
If you have forgotten that Mother's Day is this weekend, then you have not been listening to Christian talk radio this week! Every time I get in my car I hear another beautiful story of one of the many God fearing mothers of the Bible. Yesterday I heard the heart-wrenching, but yet heart-warming tale of Jochebed, the mother of Moses. I can't imagine what she went through desperately wanting to save her precious baby. I hurt for her as I think of her laying her child in a basket and pushing it off to float down stream. But God in His sovereignty had a plan, not just for Moses, but also for Jochebed. Today I heard an interesting twist on the story of Hannah, which gave a little more attention to her nemesis, Penniah. I love the story of Hannah because I feel such a kinship with her, but I have to admit I haven't ever really given much thought to Penniah. After all, she wasn't very nice to Hannah. Although Penniah had many children, she had a husband that was much more in love with his other wife and that had to be hard for her to bear. Here is yet another example of why two wives is one wife too many!
As I have listened to these stories this week it has made me think about my own mother. The older I get the more I appreciate everything about my mom. I certainly wasn't the easiest kid to raise! But thank God, she hung in there with me and today I am proud to say she is more than my mom, she is truly my best friend. In honor of Mother's Day I thought I would share with the bloggy world a few of my favorite memories of me and my mom.
The DQ Memory. When I was just a toddler we lived next door to a Dairy Queen. You can't get much better than being just a few steps away from the creamy goodness better known as a Dilly Bar and don't even get me started blogging about the deliciousness of the Peanut Buster Parfait! I have some wonderful, although faint, memories of walking next door to DQ hand in hand with my mom. She told me that once I threw a terrible fit because she wouldn't buy Linda an ice cream cone; Linda was my imaginary friend!
The Trip to Phoenix Memory. My cousin was getting married in a small Arizona town about an hour outside of Phoenix. My mom and I decided to make the trip and turn it into a vacation just for girls! We flew into Phoenix, rented a car and drove the hour long trip to Cottonwood. This was long before the handy-dandy directions from mapquest or the GPS lady telling you she needs to recalculate. No, we were on our own. And my mother assured me we would have no trouble finding the church. After all how hard can it be to find the Assemblies of God church in a small town like Cottonwood, Arizona! Um....I have four words, "needle in a haystack!" We drove around Cottonwood for what felt like hours. I really don't know how long it took until we finally stopped and asked for directions. We would have never found it! I do believe I wanted to stop for directions early on, but my mom was sure she could find it. We laughed so hard as we just kept driving and driving and driving! After we finally found our way, our trip was incredible. My favorite part of the trip was the time we spent driving through Sedona, what a beautiful place! This mom and daughter vacation is a memory I will cherish forever!
Becoming a Mom Memory. As I have blogged about many times, my daughter Hannah is adopted. We were able to pick her up from the hospital the day she was born. That was the best day of my life! We woke up a family of two and by night's end we were in a Super 8 Motel, a family of three! Hannah was born in a neighboring state about 5 hours away from our home. The day after Hannah was born, my mom drove down through a snow storm to stay with us for a few days. We were required to stay in the town for the first few days and then we were to remain in the state for one week. Luckily my parents lived in the same state where Hannah was born so we were able to stay with them. When we pulled into my parent's driveway they had a sign declaring "It's a Girl" in their yard and on their door. After all the years of wishing, hoping and praying for a child, my dream had finally come true and seeing those signs meant the world to me. I am so blessed my mom was there to share it with me.
As we celebrate Mother's Day this coming Sunday I am grateful that God gave me such a wonderful mom that not only loved me, but first loved Him!Thanks Mom and Happy Mother's Day!
As I have listened to these stories this week it has made me think about my own mother. The older I get the more I appreciate everything about my mom. I certainly wasn't the easiest kid to raise! But thank God, she hung in there with me and today I am proud to say she is more than my mom, she is truly my best friend. In honor of Mother's Day I thought I would share with the bloggy world a few of my favorite memories of me and my mom.
The DQ Memory. When I was just a toddler we lived next door to a Dairy Queen. You can't get much better than being just a few steps away from the creamy goodness better known as a Dilly Bar and don't even get me started blogging about the deliciousness of the Peanut Buster Parfait! I have some wonderful, although faint, memories of walking next door to DQ hand in hand with my mom. She told me that once I threw a terrible fit because she wouldn't buy Linda an ice cream cone; Linda was my imaginary friend!
The Trip to Phoenix Memory. My cousin was getting married in a small Arizona town about an hour outside of Phoenix. My mom and I decided to make the trip and turn it into a vacation just for girls! We flew into Phoenix, rented a car and drove the hour long trip to Cottonwood. This was long before the handy-dandy directions from mapquest or the GPS lady telling you she needs to recalculate. No, we were on our own. And my mother assured me we would have no trouble finding the church. After all how hard can it be to find the Assemblies of God church in a small town like Cottonwood, Arizona! Um....I have four words, "needle in a haystack!" We drove around Cottonwood for what felt like hours. I really don't know how long it took until we finally stopped and asked for directions. We would have never found it! I do believe I wanted to stop for directions early on, but my mom was sure she could find it. We laughed so hard as we just kept driving and driving and driving! After we finally found our way, our trip was incredible. My favorite part of the trip was the time we spent driving through Sedona, what a beautiful place! This mom and daughter vacation is a memory I will cherish forever!
Becoming a Mom Memory. As I have blogged about many times, my daughter Hannah is adopted. We were able to pick her up from the hospital the day she was born. That was the best day of my life! We woke up a family of two and by night's end we were in a Super 8 Motel, a family of three! Hannah was born in a neighboring state about 5 hours away from our home. The day after Hannah was born, my mom drove down through a snow storm to stay with us for a few days. We were required to stay in the town for the first few days and then we were to remain in the state for one week. Luckily my parents lived in the same state where Hannah was born so we were able to stay with them. When we pulled into my parent's driveway they had a sign declaring "It's a Girl" in their yard and on their door. After all the years of wishing, hoping and praying for a child, my dream had finally come true and seeing those signs meant the world to me. I am so blessed my mom was there to share it with me.
As we celebrate Mother's Day this coming Sunday I am grateful that God gave me such a wonderful mom that not only loved me, but first loved Him!Thanks Mom and Happy Mother's Day!
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